Daisaku Ikeda: Hello Shitso my good friend. How are you, the wife, and the consorts?
Shitso Abe: We are all fine. How about you, the wife, and your consorts?
Ikeda: We are all well, thank you my friend.
Abe: I need your help Tais...uh,uhh, Daisaku.
Ikeda: Anything for you Shitso. You have been so good to my envoy Nutso Yamaguchi. He's not too bright but he's very loyal.
Abe: Yes. That's what I like about him. [bowing very deeply] I am so grateful to you. There is no way I can repay you for having dropped every fundamental principle that you made believe that you held dear to support me on the military buildup thang and our plan to to alter Article 9...
Ikeda: Well there is something...
Abe: Please please, let me finish. I still need one itsy bitsy thing from you.
Ikeda: [Ikeda through his transcendent wisdom and abilities knows what Abe is going to say before he says it] No problema amigo. We have been keeping secrets since the elevator incident [Toda having passed on the SGI presidency to Ikeda in an elevator but according to some, Toda really had someone else in mind]. I can give you and Taro [Taro Aso, Shitso's pitbull deputy] a few pointers [wink, wink]. First thing, surround yourself with dumb as clams ministers who worship the ground you walk on and follow no matter what.
Abe: Already done!
Ikeda: Then lie through your teeth to them. They won't suspect a thing and if they do open their big traps, they will be telling the lies that you told them anyway.
Ikeda: I know. More importantly, always have contingency plans and policies. Say one thing today and another tomorrow and be sure to rewrite history, like the comfort women thang, the rape of Nanking, your dismal record on human rights, the trillions of yen stolen from the treasury, and the sex scandals...ah the sex scandals. That will keep them too busy to enquire about the quadrillions of beckerels leaking into the pacific ocean daily, and the thousands who are sick and dying.. Be sure to put out lots of meaningless statements.
Abe: AH SO!
Ikeda: Now Shitso, about the thing you can do for me.
Abe: Yes, yes, anything.
Ikeda: Please don't tell anyone I'm dead.