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Saturday, April 30, 2016

"I wanted my life back"

Hi David,

"I do need to apologize for the typos in my previous comment. I was very tired and my proofreading skills were definitely suffering at nearly 3 am.

I don’t wish to engage in an NSA/SGI bashing episode, but upon further reflection of the reasons why I stopped practicing, I realized that it wasn’t just mere disillusionment. It was also frustration and the sobering realization that I was simply going through the motions of chanting, doing Gongyo, attending meetings, etc. My sense of excitement, enthusiasm, passion and maybe even my faith, had been lost somewhere along the way, and I just couldn’t recapture it.

I also couldn’t justify the pressures of constantly donating and doing Shakabuku, paying for other people’s World Tribune subscriptions, purchasing the latest books that would never get read, and spending my precious yearly vacation days doing activities such as preparing for some senior leader’s visit from Japan or visiting FNCC – in short, I wanted my life back.

I found that it was becoming increasingly difficult for me to hide the envy, jealousy and anger that I felt as some District, Chapter or Headquarters leader was lecturing me and other YWD on the vital importance of doing activities and Shakabuku, while this leader’s “fortune baby” daughter or son was going out on dates, attending college, taking trips that were totally unrelated to NSA/SGI activities, and simply having fun!

And I was especially tired of constantly hearing how “Gohonzon would give us this or give us that” relegating a beautiful object of worship down to some temperamental magical scroll.

I blame myself for not having the courage or the confidence to have said, “No!”. But like countless other members, I thought I was doing something noble and noteworthy and that at some point my benefits would rain down upon me in reward for my sincere devotion and dedication..." -- Anonymous

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