Total Pageviews

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

"They just shouted quotes and let me drown."

I Was a member for 25 years.I attended hundreds of meetings.I was never a leader but I respected many of them. I didn't get too involved in the organization because I learned that some of their views were not in alignment with my own heart. I always always tried to trust the budda-nature in side of me before advise from a leader.I hit a very stressful time in my life of serious issues which are too much to get into now and it activated ptsd in me. When you have ptsd is is kind of like being severed from your budda-nature. I can't go into what ptsd is but I am sure that unless anyone has had it they have no idea what it is like. It is like feeling all the emotions of being physically abused as a child but at the same time knowing you are an adult.It completely messed up your entire nervous system and memory. It feels like any second you will die.It is the most terrifying experience

People who have been in war get it alot.I read that 75 percent do and half of that amount commit suicide. It is a very serious issue. It is not mental illness. After you live through hell your brain gets triggered into the horrific times that you experienced in past.No amount of chanting would ever get me out of it. I needed help.Not the so called medicine of chanting.I needed real medicine to balance all the chemical imbalances in my brain cause by the stress of reexperiencing trauma .I asked 2 leaders of I could stay at their house. One was a friend of 26 years the other a leader I knew for about 6 years who was a psycologist. They both said I think you should chant. Both of them knew that I was having a suicide tendencies. Not that I ever wanted to kill myself but the pain of reexperiencing trauma. I is so severe you can't see any way out. No amount of chanting was going to help me. I told them every time I chant I feel my head is going to explode and I feel like something is on my neck choking me. Which is what it felt like. When you have PTSD you need someone to bring you back to the present and chanting doesn't cut it. All they said is just chant. No one lifted a finger to help me. At the time I was bying a house.I was raped my cat died and 2 contractors walked out on me and my mother was in hospital for pnemonia. You would think that someone would have come over to help me instead of reading me President Ikeda quotes about not being a coward.Actually they were the heartless cowards not me. They just shouted quotes and let me drown.

No comments:

Post a Comment