"I think that's the tipping point where our friend cognitive dissonance starts to fry the circuits. I spent so much time convincing myself that I was happy that the time weeping in front of my gohonzon while I chanted didn't even make a dent. Because I was HAPPY, goddammit, and don't you even try to tell me I'm not. When every cell in your body informs you of misery, but your brain keeps shouting "No! You don't feel that way! You are happy! If you acknowledge anything other than that, then everything you've convinced yourself of is a sham!" then you know that there is something wrong. Even if you can't admit it to yourself, there's something that divides and splits off - do you go with the reality or do you cling to your delusions?
To acknowledge to yourself that you are fundamentally unhappy is a betrayal of everything you've been taught, everything that you've tried to cultivate for however long you've been in. It's an admission that no, this practice does not work, and everything about it is false. You either strap on a pair and start looking at things as they really are, or you keep adding to that wall between you and reality." -- wisetaiten
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