Transcript of Daisaku Ikeda's dialogue with Fidel Castro: Even Mass Murderers Are Worthy of the Greatest Respect

During President Ikeda's historic visit with the great humanist, Fidel Castro, they held a heart warming discussion on the noble mission of Mr. Castro as a mentor for the youth of the world.

Ikeda: Thank you for taking the time out from your busy schedule to meet with me. I know you have many things on your mind as the greatest leader and humanist of Cuba. Castro: Yes, as a matter of fact I should be at the revolutionary headquarters at this very moment torturing a slimy swine who dared criticize me. But it can wait since you have so generously donated millions of dollars to my cause. 

Ikeda: As you know, I am no stranger to criticism myself. Thank god I have money coming out of my ass and a huge political machine otherwise I'd probably be up shit creek myself.

Castro: It also helps if you brainwash as many people as possible to stand with you in case you need one of them to be a patsy. I personally executed my own brother-in- law after one of my shipments of cocaine got intercepted by the imperialist pigs of the USA. He was so willing to die for our great cause. What an idiot! It was a pleasure to blow his brains out. 

Ikeda: I once stashed a safe full of millions of dollars in the alley behind our news- paper headquarters for the mob to pick up. Kind of a thank-you gift for the support they have given me. But sure as shit, something went wrong. The goddamn sanitary workers picked it up, thinking we were throwing it out! Sometimes I think efficiency is counter-productive in this new age. A very loyal member stepped forward to take the rap for me.

Castro: In my country, there is no garbage pick up. My people save it up to eat later since there is no food in our stores. Fat people have no place in Cuba-- but in your case, I will make an exception.

Ikeda: You are such a great humanist. No wonder the people of Cuba never com-plain. I enjoy the same thing in my SGI organization. If someone complains, he is brow-beaten and hounded by his peers until he finally sees the light.

Castro: Here in Cuba we don't waste our time brow-beating- we simply kick the shit out of them, and if they still don't behave they are never seen again. I will not allow myself to be defeated.

Ikeda: That's a crucial point. I am always emphasizing to our youth the importance of not letting themselves be defeated.

Castro: The American Imperialists are always trying to defeat me. Just last month I was forced to order our military to shoot down several planes that were trying to make my people fat with their unhealthy food. I simply could not bear to think of my people eating such junk, so I killed the imperialist scum.

Ikeda: I always tell my followers to eat right and take care of themselves or they will get sick. I sure as shit don't need anybody collapsing in the middle of erecting a human pyramid in my honor.

Castro: Some of my subjects have contracted AIDS and were always protesting against me for not helping them. They were attracting too much attention so I made a little village for them to live in where they cannot bother anybody. They think they are special or something.

Ikeda: The great German writer, Johann Wolfgang Goethe said: "Everywhere there is the individual who always wants to show himself off; nowhere one honest effort to make oneself subserviant to the Whole"

Castro: Yes, it is the core of communism to make one- self subserviant to the whole. My mentor, the great huma ist Karl Marx, used to tell me the same thing. There are no show-offs in Cuba. I have ripped all their tongues out and shoved them down their slimey throats. People tell me I am very talented in the methods I think of to better my country.

Ikeda: Talent and individuality are two different things. A person who is truly talented is a well-rounded individual working for the benefit of humanity and the world.

Castro: You must be truly talented.

Ikeda: Some people say I am the most talented man in the world. Did you know I have received over 55 honorary doctorates and professorships from scholars in every part of the world?

Castro: [Yawn...]

Ikeda: Once, George Bush wrote me a congratulatory message for a huge meeting I had in Madison Square Garden. Hell, even President Kennedy once asked me to meet with him...

Castro: WHO!!?

Ikeda: Uh, but I turned the capitalist asshole down... Did I tell you that me and Mikhail Gorbechev are good friends?

Castro: Really? Why don't you ask that son-of-a-bitch why he hasn't given me any money for the past 5 years?? Oh- and while you are at it, please, give him a good swift kick in the ass for me. 

Well Daisaku, it's been nice chatting with you, but I have somebody to go torture now.

Transcript of Daisaku Ikeda's dialogue with Fidel Castro: Even Mass Murderers Are Worthy of the Greatest Respect by Craig Bratcher