RB's experience

"Btw, regarding parades, when the one parade I was in was over and we were on the bus, our "cho" or whatever he was as a leader was pumping his arms and his voice was nearly gone from screaming in delight over our "victory". He reached toward me, grabbed my shoulders and shook me while looking wildly into my eyes. I wanted to give the right response and react way big beyond my usual introspective nature and gave him a great big "YEAH!" but he froze and looked in my eyes with horror and furrowed brow as I was devoid of a genuine response. The parade had zero effect on me (picture Woody Allen saying "I thought it was pretty decent"). I basically destroyed his buzz. I took reactions like that as a sign that the diehard members were really perceptive at picking up "high life condition" or the lack of it. It almost chills me thinking of it, like the programming is working on me again and right now. I hated those frog-faced slight looks of disapproval from those stooges." - RB