Jim Cub [Chapter leader and stand-up comedian]: "I was cutting onions."
SGI Senior Leader: You should deeply reflect on your life condition and repress your emotions when giving guidance or writing in the Justice Chronicle. Jim: I can't be friends with NST Craig and Reggie?
SGI Senior Leader: In order to fight evil you must become their best friend. Read Chapter 17 of the Human Revolution where Sensei shakabukus the bag lady by treating her to soba noodles and a day at the Zoo.
Jim: You mean he took her to alt. religion Buddhism Nichiren google group?
SGI Senior Leader: That is why you could never make it as a comic...You have weak faith. Anyway, read the World Tribune Volume number 8746. There is a great article on how Ms.Geyer shakabukued her 84 year old mother with Alzheimer's disease who was a temple member. She showed her mom a picture of President Ikeda and whispered over and over again, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad....
Jim: Do you think that would work with NST Craig and Reggie?
SGI Senior Leader: You lack faith. You should also chant four hours of Daimoku before meeting them. Don't go alone or they will gang up on you. Take ten YMD to spy on the meeting. Danny authorized me to lend them the Soka Han van which looks like a Mr.Softy truck, the night vision goggles, and advanced listening devices too.
Jim: Goody, I love Mr. Softy milkshakes and I bet NST Craig and Reggie do too.
SGI Senior Leader: DOHH. Are you sure you don't have alzheimer's yourself? You should take them to that quiet park near lake Michigan and don't talk about the temple issue until the van is in place across the road. They must feel comfortable with you. Don't tell any jokes whatever you do and don't be too serious either. Better to laugh at one of Reggie's or Craig's jokes than to have them scratching their head in disbelief at one of yours. Remember, Sensei will be with you. Just look towards the moon in the west..
Jim: The moon that will be traveling from west to east signifying that SGI Buddhism is again rising in America and it will spread to Japan without fail. Also it will be like the moon over Omaha in which Sensei's nude torso will be reflected.
SGI Senior Leader: Hai (wink, wink). When we have all the information about the next Temple meeting in Flint Michigan. including the first and last names of the participants, their addresses and telephone numbers and their next of kin, you will have completed your mission, a mission only you can fulfill. Jim: Then can I have a Mr. Softy shake with NST Craig and Reg?
SGI Senior Leader: No. The evil Dantos don't deserve one of our Soka han van shakes. Their loss. I hear Hiro Watsamatfu makes a mean seaweed shake. Then the YMD will drive you back to the airport for your flight back to Omaha where Mr. Wada will be waiting.. You should arrive at 2:30 am and the meeting should end by four thirty. You can get up bright and early for your audition at the comedy club.
Jim: This will be an experience Reggie and Craig will never forget. What a golden opportunity to develop my faith and do human revolution for Sensei my shining eyes and tears flowing for you, Senseiiiiii
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