"WTF do I do now? -- SGI member for 41 years

"I'm old now! I should have figured it out! Even today I found myself thinking about people I thought were my friends! Thank goodness I found this site! I feel nervous & fearful "WHAT IF"WHAT IF SAYING BAD THINGS WILL SEND ME TO HELL. WILL SOMETHING BAD HAPPEN. AM I SPENDING MT FORTUNE? How crazy is that? I actually know when they r chanting for me. Oh yeah, I forgot. I got a note from my district leader saying they should have a new meeting house soon! Lets be victorious! Which reminds me THE MEETINGS WERE HERE! WHAT HAVE I DONE? I let members down. Then i realize its propaganda but i still buy into it! 

I have spent from age 22 to 63 practicing in some form or another. I wonder how damaging it has been? So, its like yeah i got out but my life is almost over so, wtf do i do now? 

The hardest. of all is hearing what u r saying about manipulation & not understanding who had the intent. I have 1 person i can say that about. The rest seemed to b well meaning people. So who r the boogey men? Am i naive? I have done my own share of being arrogant & unkind. Not purposely but was led by ego myself! Its lime being stuck on fly paper. u get one foot unstuck & a hand, loose ur balance & find urself stuck again! SO WHO R THE PEOPLE WHO HAD INTENT TO HARM? curious" -- SGI member for 41 years

A drunken driver has no intent to harm the family that he kills or maims. SGI members have no intent to harm others but their religion [philosophy] is all about "gain". It take a strong, compassionate, merciful, and wise man or women to think of gain as gain for for others. Most people, when they embrace the SGI philosophy of "gain", simultaneously embrace "ends to justify the means". Few develop selfless compassion and wisdom. The bottom line for top leaders is to strengthen the Soka Gakkai: More converts, more money, more power, and more influence. 

The happiness of the individual, despite their noble rhetoric, takes a back seat to protecting and advancing the organization. When you work tirelessly for the Gakkai, you are praised by your leaders but you do so at the expense of your career, your family, and your personal development. When, after 10, 20, 30, or more years of working for the sake of the Gakkai and you have failed to demonstrate "the great power of the practice", you are discarded like the used rind of an orange and you are blamed for your shortcomings. 

You believed in and trusted your SGI leaders who themselves are blind to the truth but ignorance of the Law does not excuse, not in secular matters and especially not in Buddhist matters. Even if every single SGI leader meant well, their religion has no power to awaken them to the harm they are doing to others. It is said, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Without wisdom, they will continue to harm others. 

How much more fortunate are you than those poor men and women who remain in the heretical Gakkai until their last dying breath? In both the secular and religious realm, there are 60, 70, and even 80 year olds or older who have turned their lives around. You can too.