Experience of Margherita Manconi

"My experience of living together lasted just long enough, to realize, to suffer a lot and run away. Summarize. Last summer, summer 2011, after saying goodbye to my partner leave for Sardinia, my land. Having said a few days before departure he took my face in his hands and gave me a pat instead of the lady he loved so much, I'm not a believer but I loved this sweetness. Return on September 2, picks me up and I notice a strange detachment, which also had received the phone while lontananza.Arriviamo home and observe that it is agitated, asking me to wait at the bar that I have prepared a surprise. I wait long, arrives and tells me. "Accidents" the surprise remained in the house of his puzzled ... I have no doubt, but tant'è..Arriviamo home and see the changes, a new piece of furniture in our camera..chiedo and He tells me that he needed spazio..i drawers were empty but still do not understand. Ok, go out for shopping, open the closet and find a cabinet piccolo..lo more open and rest incredulos, within a scroll written in cinese..attendo falling, ask me and says I am a Buddhist! I laugh, I grimaced and wonder what it means, how it could have become Buddhist, in such a short time and without telling me. Then I take a step back in the memory and remember that before leaving we were along with a colleague to whom he asked: "Is it true that you're a Buddhist?" The fellow began to tell, and I heard, but not giving weight, but I thought I saw him interested curiosità..poi home I was asked what I thought, I joked about how my usual and a little pissed too, but there you are. They had already arranged everything. When I began to ask how it was possible that in a few weeks he had abandoned his belief for which he was moved, and they had already been awarded the title of a member with its gonzhon his answers were aggressive and the usual, do not understand anything, do the wiseacre This is the real fede..Non knew the soka Gakkai and I felt actually guilty for not understanding his faith, the rest was me in not having any defect. I left puzzled and angry. The secret was a telling sign that something was not working. And in fact, he knew that I am a person who wants the truth at all costs and that delves deeply before accepting it. Began the lies, was increasingly distant, he told me to be at work and was with them until the day that I was ill, physically, very, I needed him.Disappears, cry and not capisco.per case the part and feel the call to a phone that never stopped haunting litany in TRETS, in secret, he is given that he had no money and I discovered more sure that all travel and accommodation had cost a lot, they had sent him making him feel invested with a fundamental role, as when they did present a marriage ceremony between members. I began to no longer exist. One night when I try to move the gohonzon from the bedroom, it throws with violence on the ground, as if I was profaning it with my hands. More and more pieces. I can tell, I find that he did shakubuku to his friend with serious problems, separate, loss of vision and work, I get angry too because I realized that they did the same about him, was in serious trouble with the bank, a debt huge ... I understood that the purpose of the play was to solve the problem, so much so that one day I ask him to buy a scratch card and he replies that still is not the time, he had not played enough. Things fall, I am more and more confused, I love him so much that between anger and tears I try to talk, ask him to read with me, but the answer is always the same, it is all a plot, are the priests of Shoshu or I follow the law, not man. My God, I have no way out, saying that I do not understand it, you will understand it when it is too late. I write an email to a senior member of his group for help, convinced that he is having trouble, the story of violence in my comrade of lies etc, I am told that I could not handle my love, who is now my partner surrounded by about fifty people including young and old, who love him and he with them is perfect, so I'm the problem, I end the conversation with a "I wish you peace". He defines me. My head is spinning, between anger and injustice I continue to try to reach him. New Year. I was alone in my house, he is pissed for the letter written to his capo... It is a difficult pill to swallow but he tells me that he had a vow to fulfill and to wait at home . I accept just to be with him. I leave home, it's ten, I guess it will take a half hour. Eleven thirty, he turned off the phone, I leave the house, I do not have the keys and do not know where to go, it's snowing, I sit under a tree to wait and try to continually call, cry, and tremble. I hear the fireworks from the town and I cry even more. At one he calls me and tells me I'm coming. I see that does not come from the part of the wood but the land, tells me he has been around but it's impossible, it takes me in his arms because they are almost frozen to death and put me to bed. While in the bathroom I take his phone and I discover that he was at his brother's house and toasting at midnight. You can not understand the searing pain. I'm going home tomorrow. Days pass, I forgive him, I come home with him, I am too much in love and I can not get out, stopped by reason or sentiment. I keep trying to talk, I find the zaimu newsletters, books and so much more. I find that he did shakubuku zaimu to a man of sixty who had ischemia, lost his job and his woman. I get angry even more, I say that is vile, disgusting, that it sucks, that they are vultures. He beats me and tells me crying that I must apologize, I have to go with him, I have to play [SGI] ... Since then, we have not seen. I still suffer a lot and I am fighting for the truth to come out. I put my signature because I have always believed in and fought and always will, and its fair to do so without fear of anyone." -- Margherita Manconi.