They are not your boss [another SGI Whistleblower experience]

I've been out of SGI for several years. Over the weekend, I received a phone call from an out-of-town friend. He's an SGI member, knows of my discontent with the Gakkai, but doesn't pressure me about it. Anyway, he was planning to go for guidance regarding his exhaustion with all the SGI activities he is expected to participate in.

Friend and I are both introverts, and find ourselves pressured by extroverts, both gakkai members and non-members. These well-meaning individuals do not understand our need for quiet and solitude....in fact, regard it as pathological. They insist, that if we just tried a little harder, we could be as extroverted as they are, and we'd be much happier for it. When my friend talks about his need for some quiet and down-time, after working all day at a demanding job, his leaders lecture him on his need to do "human revolution," and "make life to life connections."

My friend feels like something is wrong with him because he just does not want to do shakabuku and go to SGI activities all the time.

As we talked, I had flashbacks to how I used to feel that way too -- torn because I just did not want to follow this so-called guidance. It just felt deeply wrong to me -- and yet at the same time, I wanted to do what my leaders wanted. Or I wanted to want to do it. I DID feel like I was lazy and selfish because I didn't want to do all these activities. Yet I knew, deep down, that I didn't want to push other people to do things that I really didn't believe in.

I felt this way for a long time. Talking with my friend this weekend, I really SAW through all this manipulation that my SGI leaders had done on me. I was trying to explain some of this to my friend. I tried to explain, "These people are manipulating you. It's in their best interest that you buy into this notion that you can never do enough for SGI. Asking them for guidance is like asking a salesman to tell you not to buy his product! Who ARE these people? Just ordinary people like us, they have no special wisdom. No, your life is NOT going to go to hell in a hand basket if you don't do what they say! They have no special powers to predict the future! They have no power over us, other than what we give them. They are not the boss of you! Go to an activity if you want to, don't go if you don't want to. It is your life, your choice, YOU are the expert on your life and what's good for you!"

My friend then hung up on me and is not answering when I call. I know he's okay; I would have heard from mutual friends if he weren't. (As he lives in a different state, just stopping by his house is not possible.) I'm left with mixed feelings: it feels good that I finally SAW how our leaders' manipulated us -- and that they can't manipulate me in that way ever again. I feel sad for my friend , and other SGI members who are still caught up in that manipulation.