I remember my parents collecting piles of the WT newspaper and LB magazines from das org. It was a no-no to throw them away. It was all sacred and monumental to achieving enlightenment. They were leaders in the seventies. Now they’re divorced and their other children (now adults) all struggle tremendously. With alcoholism, closeted sexuality, schizophrenia, and emotional and behavioral dysfunction and dissonance.
Is this the result my step-father expected from his 40 years in?
From this, I have dedicated my life now to my children’s well being while NOT being preoccupied with an organized facade of deceptive practices, rhetoric, and cult of personality.
My children from their questioning helped me to see the absurdity of the SGI magic chant as they never felt comfortable with the practice or the places of worship.
I also had a huge collection of paraphernalia of Gakkai goods and publications. I probably spent about 5K on that stuff.
I also spent close to 10K going to FNCC about 8 times.
And my financial donations amounted up to 10K at the least.
Not included is my time driving, cold calling, and attending activities with people only connected under false pretenses. Because I always entered friendships with an agenda, I have few trusting friends. I even married my husband with the condition he would fundamentally change his chronic pain through chanting. Most of the people who knew me knew I was an organizational frenzied Buddhist. Always judging and having the answer to any problems. A false happiness. Neither relative or absolute.
Still in the middle economic status. I wish I could say some of my donations went to some life-changing or humanistic foundations but they didn’t. Have you seen the wealth in Japan in SGI? It’s sickening. Everything inspected with white gloves. Only the best for the upper echelons.
I literally trashed all my paraphernalia. Looking at my journals of notes, list of potential shakabukus, determinations and goals. Looking at all that through the eyes of my children, they would think their mother was completely brainwashed.
They asked me questions about life and death, questions no religion can answer in good conscience. They inspires me to get up and get out.
It is ironic that I feel more authentic towards others now that I’m out of das org, without the filter of “everyone needs SGI.”
Now I have seen some items and books on eBay worth a bit and that seems surprisingly ironic.
I’m so happy relieved glad appreciative grateful I’m out!!
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