Monday funnies....Can the tragic death of the Nichiren Shoshu be far off?

"Oh, they're not fed up. Just spying on you. Nikken is doomed. His castle is being destroyed from within. Bye Bye." --Kathy Ruby Soka Spirit leader

                                                                         

                                           EXTRA         EXTRA 

By Pete Hamill, Ex-New York Daily News Editor In Chief in conjunction with Cindy Adams, New York Post Correspondent. 

        

Can the tragic death of the Nichiren Shoshu be far off?  Craig Bratcher and Ken Burchell two "living icons" of Nichiren Shoshu were indicted today for spying on the very religion they professed to follow. The suspects were rounded up in the  Purple Panther transvestite bar known to be frequented by Rue Paul, Dennis Rodman, and Marv Albert. Marv Albert was heard to exclaim, YESSSSSSS, as the two suspects were handcuffed after a brief struggle. So distraught was Rue Paul he lamented, "that cute Craig Bratcher could  never have done such a thing. He's got such tight buns". Three cops at the scene were slightly injured when Dennis Rodman attacked them shouting, "Kenny is with me!!!!". Rodman was not arrested.

             

An anonymous police source, present during the interrogation, reported that Craig Bratcher wouldn't shut up revealing every detail of the sordid affair: "President Ikeda gave me one of the Renoirs destined for the Tokyo Art Museum and promised I would become the first non-Japanese Vice President of the Soka Gakkai". Ken Burchell on the other hand, pleaded with the detective in charge to speak with his Joint Territory Chief but the detective refused. He had already used up his call, telling Dennis Rodman how much he loved and admired him.

            

This same source also reported that several pictures of Nikken doing gongyo in panties and garters, were recovered but there is some question whether the photos were airbrushed: Mr Bratcher claimed they were and Mr Burchell claimed they weren't. A small statue of Nichiren Daishonin, was also found in Mr. Bratcher's duffel bag. Mr Bratcher claimed he stole it from the holy shrine at Taisekaji in order to cover the fact of his ignorance for not knowing of the statue's existence. Mr Bratcher was quoted as saying, "it would have blown my cover as a Nichiren Shoshu koto if I was perceived to not to know of it's existence, so I stole it."  On Mr Burchell's person were found two tickets to Brazil and the address of the SGI Kaikan. A picture of Dennis Rodman and President Ikeda were also found on Mr. Burchell as well as a Nikken inscribed Omamori Gohonzon. Mr Burchell became adamant that he get the pictures of Rodman and Ikeda back but the detective threatened him with the "Abner Louima treatment" and Mr Burchell sulked off to the back of his cell.

              

Danny Nagashima, General Director of the SGI who was interviewed shortly after their arrest denied knowing either Mr Bratcher or Mr Burchell but reported that he was a great fan of Marv Albert and Rue Paul. Mr. George Williams, ex-SGI General Director remembered them vaguely as two former members who  lacked faith.

             

The two have been charged with several counts of organized mousketeering and face up to several kalpas in Avici Hell.